Sports

Aiming to bat above .200, Red Wings GM announces 50-degree guarantee

Rochester, N.Y.  – Rochester Red Wings general manager Dan Mason has only accurately predicted the 50-degree temperature for the opening day of his team once in the last five years.
But this year, Mason believes it will be different.
On Tuesday morning, the team released its announcement that Mason guaranteed the weather on April 9, 2020 – the home opener for the Rochester Red Wings – would reach 50 degrees. The team plays against the Lehigh Valley IronPigs at 4:05 p.m.
“Prognosticating the weather is clearly predicated on studying patterns,” Mason said. “After a great deal of strenuous research, pouring over super triple mega Doppler readouts from the past five years, and just spending time getting poured on, snowed on, and basking in the sun to become one with nature, I have uncovered a clear pattern for our Opening Day weather.”
“I guarantee it will be at least 50 degrees on April 9th this year and if by some freak of nature it isn’t, all fans who have a ticket will receive a free ticket to any game in April or May in 2020,” Mason continued. “And again on the very off chance I’m incorrect, we’re also giving away a free flap cap to the first 1,500 fans to help them stay cozy and stylish all year round.”
All fans in attendance will receive a ticket to any Red Wings home game in April or May if the prediction does not come to fruition. Historically, the average high temperature in Rochester on April 9 is roughly 52 degrees.
Single-game tickets for all home games are scheduled to go on sale at 10 a.m. Wednesday online.

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